"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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