dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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