babies were throwing up all over the place
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
