After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
