dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
