How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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