What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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