I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
