The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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