You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
