i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
