First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize