I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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