you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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