u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
