I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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