at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
