I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
