Can Purell be used as lube?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
