Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
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