As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
