There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
