I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
