Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
