kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
