I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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