I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
