she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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