9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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