i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
