Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
