I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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