I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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