just come out here and I will go home with you...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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