i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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