My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
