i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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