i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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