Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Farmville is her only friend.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i think i just lost a toe
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
