God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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