Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
