Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
