Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
