you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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