I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
