my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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