Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
