my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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