Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
