Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
