I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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