I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
