I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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