she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
