i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
