Someone shit on the floor
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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