im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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