I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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