Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
