then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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