i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
