We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
