: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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