This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Terrible idea I love it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
