Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
