she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
