I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
